Thursday, June 14, 2012

I know it has been a few days since I posted, I have been struggling with my Blood Sugar :( I can't seem to get my fasting sugar down, no matter what I do, so starting tomorrow night I will be doing Insulin Injections :( Not looking forward to already being on insulin, but I will be glad to know that my baby is being kept safe from too much sugar :) So, now in addition to making healthy choices I have to start checking my blood sugars 4 times a day, and giving myself a morning and evening injection....I feel good about the insulin, cause it will help make this struggle a little easier :) I still have almost 3 weeks until my FIRST Dr appointment :( I am guessing that their not gonna make me do the glucose test with this preg....that is certainly something to be excited about! When I was pregnant with Caroline, I had to start checking my blood sugar when I was only about 14 weeks pregnant....I WAS DEVASTATED!!!! I sat in the Dr. office and cried while they taught me how to use the meter, then again when I had to start on meds, and once more when I had to start insulin....then after she was born, she wasn't gaining weight, I wasn't producing enough milk, and when I had to start giving her formula.....AGAIN I cried.....why all these tears??? Throughout my life, I have had this set plan for how things are suppose to be, and when life changes my plans, I feel like somehow I have FAILED....yes, I is not failure, but let me tell you, it has been 5 years since Caroline was born, and 4 pregnancies later, I didn't crumble into a puddle of tears over the news of I still feel like I have somehow failed, YES, but I have to accept that I DON'T HAVE CONTROL!!! It has taken a lot of struggles and challenges, and heartbreaking events to get me to this point, but I have finally gotten to the point where I have learned to look at the big picture, and not sweating all the details that I can't to turn that information into something I can use everyday, not just when I am pregnant......I need to not get so set on losing a certain number by a certain deadline.....I need to not allow whatever number that is on the scale bring me down or discourage me.....the truth is life happens, and things change, sometimes those changes really throw us and we don't know what to do, but I intend to keep myself focused on the goal, the prize, the outcome, and realize that sometimes there are a lot of different ways to get to the same end goal, my focus for my health needs to be exactly that.....a focus on my health, we all know what things need to be done daily (eating right, exercise) in order to get healthier.....we also know what things should be avoided (putting toxins in your body, eating poorly, sitting around all day), so the daily challenge is to still do what is right, and avoid what is wrong even on days when you feel like sitting down with a big piece of chocolate cake :) With the attitude that no matter what, I WILL NOT FAIL, anyone can succeed, just take each little thing that might seem like failure and turn it into a lesson learned and move on :) I really want my health to be better at the end of the pregnancy than it was in the glad I did that cleanse, cause staying away from pop and sugar will be easier than it ever has been :) Now, just gotta keep focused on the goal for another 8 months :)

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